time travel is lonely
went to the
vanderslice show last night at the mercury lounge. now i love the mercury lounge - nice sound, intimate space - but there's something about that venue that, well, stinks. it consistently smelled like a cross between rotting beer and bulldog farts. not as bad as
sex panther, but i'm sure it's close. and speaking of bad, we first had to suffer through the folky injustice of
death vessel (aka "the opening band that sucked"). true to his foreboding name, i felt like cutting myself, starting with my ears. once vanderslice came on stage, however, all was rectified and the awful memories of that falsetto-singing, typanic-membrane-killing, joni-mitchell-and-all-that-is-right-about-folk-music-butchering, slight of an opening act (which somehow got a pitchfork rating of 7.2 - those pitchforkers sure are nutty!) was a thing of the past. the slice was not a fantastic live set... decently good. but what they lacked in energy and stage presence they more than made up for in cello and drums. definitely the highlight of that show.
my name is peony
i am an assistant. which means today is my very special day (note the sarcasm). big surprise! i got flowers. not just any flowers, but a ridiculously large (and beautiful) arrangement that is now perched at the corner of my desk screaming, "i do bitchwork for a living!" don't get me wrong, i do love flowers. but don't bosses know that the best kind of gift comes in a flat little envelope? someone should write a memo.
advanced warning
it may be raining rats and blogs, but summer is almost here. and besides fake tans and crash diets, it also means free shows!
[french kicks] yes please
kicking off this friday 4/28 at the pratt campus in bk,
french kicks,
love as laughter and
dirty on purpose.
dissonantly beautiful (and vice versa),
the books will be playing the world financial center courtyard on may 25th.
and the rest...
6/2
super furry animals at south street seaport
6/13
eels and
smoosh at world financial center plaza
7/4
belle and sebastian at battery park
7/6
mates of state at castle clinton
7/13
okkervil river at castle clinton
7/27
the hold steady at castle clinton
8/25
ted leo and the pharmacists at south street seaport
yum.
and den...
someone just came up to my desk and said, "i'm hungry" and starts looking over my pseudo-wall (like the exact opposite of the great wall of china), scouring every surface for food. granted, i usually have some pretty great snacks (thank you trader joes), but since when did my office become the camp canteen? and by camp i mean prison.
i need out. where's that cute guy who always looks angry yet thoughtful on that show that's on right before 24? i bet he could help me (in more ways than one)...
stupid celebrity baby names that are guaranteed to get your child's ass kicked on a semi-weekly basis
someone should write a book.
here's the prologue (in alphabetical order...)
apple (paltrow-martin) - it's actually kind of cute, but they totally "borrowed" the name from martin's manager's kid.
assisi (jade jagger) - which is worse: being an "ass" or a "sisi"? or is it the fact that your grandfather refuses to stop touring even though he's way too old and wrinklier than a shar-pei puppy?
audio science (shannyn sossamon) - what? no... really? that's the worst.
banjo (rachel griffiths) - at least it's better than tambourine. or didgeridoo.
blue angel (the edge) - it's a girl. not a
squadron. not a
fish. a girl. dammit.
cash (slash) - his dr. seuss education has served him well.
coco (cox-arquette) - i'm torn. coco is a cute name. but it's also cereal. but i like cereal. but i wouldn't want to be named count chocula... or would i?
denim and diezel (toni braxton) - diezel is what you name your chihuahua because it's funny. denim is what you name... nothing because it's just plain dumb.
grier (brooke shields) - i like brooke shields. i think she's a strong and beautiful woman. but really, brooke... grier? that's a last name. see: in living color.
harlem (the game) - that's wicked awesome. i'm gonna name my kid bed-stuy. or chino.
hopper (sean penn) - i initially thought that he named his kid after charlie sheen's character in hot shots. then i imdb-ed it and found out that his name was topper in the movie. i was wrong. huh...
jakob danger (billie joe armstrong) - spelling jacob with a "k" is smart. because then when it's shortened to "jake" he'll already be accustomed to writing k's in his name. which is a good thing because switching to k's in the middle of your life will totally f*ck you up. furthermore, his middle name is danger. so when he says "danger is my middle name," the kid's not lying. if i had a nickel for every time i was called out on that one...
jaz (agassi-graf) - would it be pronounced shortly like taz (jas)? or like jazz? because technically it should be the former. and that's just plain weird. i bet this kid is going to rock at tennis though.
jermajesty (jermaine jackson) - akin to jerprincess and jeranidiot. (pronounced: jer an idiot)
jett (john travolta) - daddy johnny likes to fly planes so he named his son jett. the logic is astounding.
kal-el (nick cage) - this kid better have superpowers. at least run really fast like superman. because he's gonna need that one on the playground.
kyd (david duchovny) - like naming your cat "kat" - apt, but why the hell would you do that?
makena'lei (helen hunt carnahan) - that happy little mainland couple must have had a great time in maui to name their daughter what translates to "abundant flower." not a bad name, just now that i expected of a little blond irish girl.
moon unit, ahmet emuuka rodan, dweezil and diva muffin (frank zappa) – rule #1: if the hospital refuses to register your newborn child because you’re trying to name him dweezil, you probably shouldn’t name him dweezil.
pilot inspektor (jason lee) – this is what you get when you let your friend (who happens to be a scientologist) name your kid. they’re not right in the head.
prince micheal, II (blanket) and paris michael (guess who) – all. so. terrible.
racer, rebel and rocket (robert rodriguez) – racer will grow up to be a race car driver. rebel will be a political activist. rocket will jump off a building, find out that his namesake doesn’t and die.
reignbeau and freedom (ving rhames) – guessing it’s pronounced “rainbow” and not ree-i-gin-bou. either way, it’s reighnbow rhames. if she wasn’t ving’s daughter she’d most definitely be a stripper.
sailor (christie brinkley) – i don’t hate it. it just reminds me of sailor moon, which i shamefully watched. sure it was the late 90s and i was most likely in high school. i never said i was perfect.
speck wildhorse and hud (john mellencamp) – speck is not a name. it’s a speck. hud is also not a name. it’s
housing and urban development.
suri (tomkat) – it’s not a bad name. it’s just that she's an alien!!!
zelda (robin williams) – zelda ruled the world in 1987. i hated it. mostly because my brother would play it and not let me have the nintendo to play duck hunt. and by play i mean hold the gun so it touches the screenn and shoot the ducks until my eyeballs fell out because i was sitting 6 inches away from the tv.
zowie (david bowie) - remember in wedding singer when drew barrymore almost married that guy who would make her julia gulia? yeah, it’s kinda like that.
copycat
a meme from the
d of the frango into your music player of choice (with the most songs) and shuffle the list. answer the following questions with the song titles, using them in order. *itunes users can click on party shuffle
how does the world see me?song: "yesterday threw everything at me" by athlete
comments: i'm strapped to one of those spinning wheels while expert illusionists are throwing daggers at me. except sometimes they go on break and let the circus monkeys have a go at it.
will I have a happy life?song: "if there's such a thing as love" by the magnetic fields
comments: ugh. so true.
what do my friends really think of me?song: "straight and narrow" by teenage fanclub
comments: well i do like boys, and i'm pretty picky... so i guess that's right.
do people secretly lust after me?song: "two steps behind in the 1st place" by bosco & jorge
comments: i don't get it.
how can I make myself happy?song: "arrazando" by thalia
comments: devastation? really? that's great. i'm on the right track.
what should I do with my life?song: "cloud" by fischerspooner
comments: i want to be a cirrus cloud. those are pretty.
why should life be full of so much pain?song: "resolve" by foo fighters
comments: easier said than done, my friend.
how can I maximize my pleasure during sex?song: "kissing the lipless" by the shins
comments: huh? either i don't understand or it's reeeally dirty.
will I ever have children?song: "december" by saints and lovers
comments: yay sagittarius babies!
will I die happy?song: "escape clause" by the stairs
comments: is that a yes?
what is some good advice for me?song: "nothing matters when we're dancing" by the magnetic fields
comments: so you're saying i should go dancing...
what is happiness?song: "i drive a lot" by starflyer 59
comments: yess... driving down pch on a sunny day listening to beck and kelly clarkson in my red '85 sl500 convertible.
what is my favorite fetish?song: "there's never enough time" by the postal service
comments: it's true. my fetish is working. all the time. yes, i am one sick puppy.
how will I be remembered?song: "an unexpected song" by the prayers and tears of arthur digby sellers
comments: that would be awesome.
suggest-o-matic
itunes on random is quite random indeed. but then sometimes i think it's trying to tell me something. like today, i'm supposed to send a letter to jackie. i have yet to run downstairs to buy stamps (i've been very busy doing... well that's not the point). anyway, my itunes decides to play the new pornographers' "jackie" not once, or twice, but four times in the last hour. i think i should go buy some stamps, lest i hear morrissey's "jack the ripper" - at which point my computer will go a-tum-tum-tumbling out of the window.
tangled up in green
our company jobsearch site launches from a lime green page and keeps the same lime green header and side navigation bars throughout the site. it's quite lime green and quite unmistakeable. it's one step short of the computer actually shouting, "this girl hates her job!" as soon as you load the page. perhaps its visual color assault is to deter one from searching for another job while on the job. yes, we all know how well i follow directions.
alas, today is the day i was caught. by my boss's boss. ouch.
on a related note, anyone out there looking for an ivy league grad seeking to change the world one creatively misguided step at a time?
words... i have none
somebody brought in chocolate covered matzo today. it was a nice gesture. nice, yet so verrrry annoying: every shared food item gets conveniently placed on the ledge over my desk, which subsequently invites all the department
food whores to congregate in front of me.
you know when people talk to themselves with hopes that anyone within earshot will say something back to them so they don't look like crazy people who talk to themselves? yeah, i don't really play that game. i just let them look crazy. better yet, i proactively ignore them by turning up the volume on my computer. yes, it's a bitchy move, but when the 26th person comes up to you and says, "mmmm... chocolate covered matzo" you would do the same. it was between that and grabbing the bag, dumping out the contents on the floor, stomping all over it and saying "oops!"
and just as i typed that, someone came by and said, "ooh chocolate matzo... yum." it's like fingernails on a chalkboard. i need a vacation. or a shotgun and a good lawyer.
cacophonous hill
everybody does it. at one point in your life you have drawn something on someone's picture. a handlebar mustache, groucho glasses, jason priestly sideburns, boogers, whatever... have no shame, it's a rite of passage into adulthood.
and now, unless you live in a hole under a rock under a bigger rock, you've seen the advertisements for
silent hill. if you live in new york, you've seen them look like this:
it's frightening enough without the mouth, but now i'm getting nightmares of scary children of the corn children with cartoonish hand drawn mouths. and big clown feet. and bloody hatchets! auuughhhh!
for those of you who are right-brainers, you're welcome.
as logic would have it
my boss asked me to make a couple copies of this deck. fine, whatever, i'll do it with a faux hearted smile. as i'm walking out of her office, she chimes "oh and don't forget to keep it in order!" i almost stopped, about faced and said some variation of "oh darn, i was going to find the nearest ceiling fan and throw the stack of freshly xeroxed decks up in the air and play a little game where i see how fast it takes me to collect them without regard for any order whatsoever." almost. but i didn't. mostly because to my knowledge, my office building does not have a ceiling fan.
shiver
seu jorge has a live cover of damien rice's "the blower's daughter" that is. truly. fantastic.
g-mail me if you want the file.
ew
nothing says walking the dog like a
severed hand (for the extreme co-dependents in all of us)
fame
how to live forever... or just subject everyone else to your annoying home videos:
it's tombstone, it's a video player, no... it's a
vidstone!
sick, yet totally awesome.
the sun is shining, the birds are chirping
it feels like it was just this morning when ny was hit by a rabid snowstorm. oh wait, it was just this morning.
whiskey. tango. foxtrot.
holy crap
accuweather forcast for today:
the apocalyptic blizzard outside my window would say otherwise.
moo
fashion advice of the day:
if you're wearing 3 items of leather, you're wearing too much leather.
your shoes count. each of them.
