shame is so in this season

i got 99 problems but a blog ain't one

1. box of salt water taffy on my desk: my desk is on a corner of the floor so it often acts as a hub for people gathering/free food and i don't like salt water taffy. i can actually feel the cavities forming when i eat it. plus you never know what flavor is what and what you thought was lemon or grape is actually banana or licorice. but i'm still curious. if i am given a box of salt water taffy, this is how i eat them: unwrap a piece, pop it in my mouth, taste it without chewing, decide that i don't like it, remove it from my mouth, throw it away, then repeat until the box is completely empty and my garbage can is full of a mixture of colorful blobs, wax paper and my spit.

2. smashed fruit: i bought peaches today in chinatown before i went to work. somehow between canal street and times square, 3 of the 5 peaches looked like they rode the train with bobby brown. grrrr...

3. overuse of cowbell: yeah yeah we all know and love the don't fear the reaper sketch with will ferrell and christopher walken but there are some songs out there that really abuse the cowbell. i don't have examples. just go with me on this one.

4. zzzzzz--whatthemotherfuckfuckinfuck: i was violently jarred awake at 6am this morning by a severe calf cramp. the next 3 hours involved manually moving my left leg in order to walk.

5. hitting it off with a guy and then finding out that he's 21. and lives with his parents: 4 vodka tonics + desperation = i guess i didn't really care because i made out with him anyway.

6. finding a box of stale girl scout cookies: leads to eating said box of stale girl scout cookies. all of them (to prevent further staleness, of course).

7. the temp. boasting about her 1000 sq ft rent controlled apartment. talking about her boyfriend who is apparently just the nicest (not to mention most tolerant) person in the world. walking around like she owns the place (note: temp means temporary). making me feel totally guilty for asking for a favor because like she so busy schmoozing with everyone else and not doing real work (yeah, i'm a hypocrite). must. remain. calm.

8. being asked to get someone lunch as i am eating my own lunch: that's just not right. did i mention how much i hate hate hate my job?

9. apparently i don't even have 9 problems.

update: the song that inspired the cowbell comment was one of the tracks off architecture in helsinki's fingers crossed album. and on another note, i do like the strategic placement of double hand claps. just one or two really gets the listener involved (you know what i'm talking about).

posted by erica @ 12:53 PM