shame is so in this season

so you want to start an indie rock band?

a few simple rules:

1. the look: one of your band members must sport a 'fro. possible positions: bass, fill guitar/backing vocals or odd instrument player (see rule #2). extra cool points if he's a skinny swede over 30 but looks like he's 14. also make sure he's always wearing a tweed vest and a pocket watch. all other members may dress in "nouveau vintage" (aka urban outfitters sale rack) or diy.

2. the sound: whatever you want. just remember to tie in an odd instrument - i.e. toy piano, glockenspiel, sitar, zither, rubberband violin. talk about the merits and cultural iconicity of said instrument in any and all interviews. your goal is to make it the keytar of this decade. no cowbells or hand claps... those are so 2000's throwback to 1976.

3. the push: take promo pictures in black and white. only one band member can actually look at the camera. extra cool points if he's the drummer and he's standing on a burnt out car in the middle of a strawberry patch. more extra cool points if we can't tell if he's either contemplative or constipated.

4. the pull: feature a chick for some, but not all of your tracks. extra cool points if she does the live shows with her back facing the audience.

5. and last but certainly not least, the name (choose your method):
the mad libs method: first name of your favorite tv character + last name of your least favorite high school teacher + "and the" + adjective + totally awesome plural noun (examples: bert levi and the subconscious penguins. skeeter wenrick and the algebraic killer bees. zack hollenbeck and the fancy robots)
the stream of consciousness method: step one - drink a fifth of whiskey. step two - say something. step three: pluralize and add "the" before it (examples: the bitter bumkickers. the your face is stupids. the dude, i am sooooo wasted right nows).

congratulations. rock on.

posted by erica @ 12:37 PM