shame is so in this season

sweet lord make it stop

all talking toys must be relegated to daycare centers and crack houses. i'm talking about those dancing hamsters, singing fish, meowing cat puppets and perhaps the most egregious (and currently befouling) of them all, the hokey pokey elmo doll. sure, it's a great gift for a child with deaf parents, but these things should not be brought into an office environment.

the department hamburglar (note: t-rex arms, sedated grin, penchant for oversized ties), who normally walks around talking to herself, inanimate objects and people unfortunate enough to accidentally make eye contact, must be on her ludes today because she's definitely more psychotic than usual. today she went into my boss's office to talk to her orchids. it wasn't really a "yo, whaddup g?" as much as it was a "hi. how are you? did you have a good weekend? oh that's good to hear. mine was absolutely fabulous. lot's of recreational drugs." oh and the nonsensically humming... all day. and the final straw was a double helping of the hokey pokey elmo. yes, twice. she made it sing twice. she bopped her crazy little pinhead alongside an elmo doll singing the hokey pokey song twice. did i mention that it happened twice?

excuse me, i must find a dark corner to curl up into a ball and rock back and forth.


[elmo] drops it like it's hot

posted by erica @ 4:52 PM