shame is so in this season

hello, my name is boxcutter

hmm, let's see... what have i done today... found out what i'm getting for my birthday (thanks dad!)... talked online... wrote some e-mails... picked up some tickets for some awards show... made some plans for the weekend... and that's pretty much it.

oh right! i almost forgot my most important task of the day. i sign for a box for my boss right around lunch time. i bring the box to her office and set it on her chair. she gets back from lunch and asks me to open it for her because she doesn't have a box cutter (she has 2 pairs of scissors, a tomahawk and a set of ginsu knives... but alas no boxcutter). i bring the box back to my desk and proceed to open it with the tip of a bic pen. i dig through the sea of packing peanuts (which proceed to stick to every surface in my cube, including my computer, my phone and my left arm) only to find a stupid metal can filled with promotional marketing junk. i bring said can to her office. she asks me to open it for her because she doesn't want to break her nails. i pick up said can, about face, roll my eyes, go back to my desk and open the can with the same bic pen that mastered the labyrinth of a cardboard box. lesson learned, i carefully pulled out all items of junk and presented individually to the bosslady, adeptly masking my tone of intense hatred for this joke i call my job.

hello, my name is helper monkey. i get paid in bananas. and stolen toilet paper.
hello, my name is no, that's not a college degree. i found it in a cereal box.
hello, my name is passive agressive. would you like to walk all over me?
hello, my name is please for the love of god and all that is holy, i need a new job.

posted by erica @ 3:57 PM