shame is so in this season

say it ain't so

if i plotted my drinking on a curve, i think it would look like this:



so here's the problem, my nights tend to plateau at what i call the "lucid drunk stage". it's probably the worst stage of consciousness because of my complete consciouness combined with my somewhat lack of self control. in other words, i do/say/make/think stupid things and yet i am still very much aware of it. it's almost like an out of body experience where the sober me sees the stupid me and then palm to forehead action ensues (repeatedly).

here's a sample "lucid drunk stage" scenario:

stupid me wholeheartedly believes that all jokes are funny. even lines that aren't jokes are funny -- sober me thinks, "stop laughing, ass."

stupid me says to friends (more than once), "i'm a little drunk" and then sheepishly smiles -- sober me rolls eyes and smacks stupid me in the head... hard.

stupid me dances like nobody's watching -- sober me knows that people are watching... and most likely pointing and laughing as well.

stupid me walks out of the club with an air of "kiss my sass" (lift head, sway hips) -- sober me mumbles, "don't fall. don't fall. watch out for the car! don't fall. don't fall."

stupid me gets indignant with inanimate objects, a la keys, elevator, and wallthatcameoutofnowhere ("fuck you wall!") -- sober me sighs and shakes her head in defeat.

stupid me thinks that she can brush her teeth and pumice her feet at the same time -- sober me and bruised knees think that's not such a great idea.

stupid me wants to blog at 4am -- sober me shouts, "go to bed, ass!".

stupid me sleeps in -- sober me wants coffee.

oh stupid me.

posted by erica @ 3:53 PM