shame is so in this season

mouth beach diet

so i had the mistake of eating lunch with the hens and some other poultrylike females. so there i was, eating my smorgasbord of deep fried goodness (chicken strips and onion rings) amongst the salads, yogurts and low-salt turkey wraps, when somebody mentioned the word diet. normally it goes unsaid that most women are practicing some sort of taste constraining masochism, but this turned into an all out preach session. here's an excerpt:

"squak squak squak, squak squak, squak squak. squak?"
"squak."

the worst was when somebody started explaining the benefits of the south beach diet. apparently this is the only one that works because it's the only one that's created by a cardiologist and its the only one that let's you eat carbs--i beg to differ, my diet lets me eat carbs and it's called the eat-whatever-you-want-because-you-only-live-once (but get your fat ass to the gym once in a while) diet. it turned into a 45 minute lecture on the virtues of counting nuts and jump starting your metabolism. i wanted to jump start myself out of there but i was trapped. i hadn't yet finished my gluttonous lunch and i had no work excuse because my boss was sitting at the table with us. i felt like a guy watching oprah. man, it was painful.

posted by erica @ 2:50 PM