shame is so in this season

i'm out.

i read somewhere that people in new york find dates by going to bars. i, however, must be an exception. i know i gravitate towards jerks (although i must clarify that there is a delicate balance of puppy dog and tool that i tend to melt for), but last night was too much. after purchasing and carrying a tray of seven shots (i was at a birthday celebration), i was approached by a pair of melancholy-ridden thirtysomethings. in a pathetic attempt to either gain my twentysomething adoration or gain free shots, one guy tells me that they are there celebrating the other guy's birthday. and i normally would believe this, except he said it with a tone that one would use to say "i'm going to kill myself." i responded with faux-jovial "hey! happy birthday!" followed by a prompt 180. birthday guy - strike one.

then there was couple of guys who were celebrating a friend's recent release from riker's for fraud. i made a smarmy comment about the state of his ass. i think he got a little offended but his friends definitely thought i was funny. uncomfortable filled the air, so then i left fraud guy and his friends. yeah, i know how to pick 'em - strike two.

and last, and perhaps even least, there was guy. at least it started out with just guy. soon progressed to pretty nice guy. i'm thinking, "score!" he touched my shoulder. i touched his arm. and then his girlfriend came. of course she did. girlfriend guy - strike three.

so now my proposal to myself. i need to go on a date. not a group thing, not meet up for drinks, not a post prison celebration, not an interim something. a real date. one where i get dressed up. one where i get nervous. one with genuine smiles. one with awkward silences. one with a goodnight kiss. or three.

posted by erica @ 2:32 PM