shame is so in this season

liquid thin mints

oh man. i don't normally drink coffee. not only does it make me irritable and hyper, but it also has this magical pseudo-alcoholic power of taking away any logic that may be lingering in my permanently semiretarded brain. so after a craptastic saturday night (i'll rant on that one later), i have a sunday morning espresso drink. then i jitterily wolf down a slice and a half of big fat ray's pizza. i know you're saying, "oh little jade, a slice and a half is totally weaksauce--" i must interject. this pizza was like a ten pound wheel of cheese. even when you do the new york fold, it was still over 2 inches in diameter. i kid you not. both judes and deedles can attest to this fact. and then this little cheapskateleftovermonkey ate more for dinner. and also some yogurt. and canned pineapples. and some lovely nicoise olives from the 5th avenue posh paradise garden of eden. in summary, my stomach was like that scene in anchorman when all the different newscaster teams go at it westside story style. there was definitely some airborne triton and live grenade action going on. obviously, i blame the coffee.

so today, after waking up with a raging stomach ache, i vowed to remain caffeine free. but then i went on a daddy starbucks run for the evp. and she made the mistake of telling me to get myself something while i'm at it (oh how very magnanimous of you). and then starbucks made the mistake of displaying a huge sign advertising a mint chip mocha that looked like 2-dimensional mania inducing mintchip ice cream blended in a cup and topped with whipped cream goodness. so then i made the mistake of getting a grande (which is medium, but everything in starbucks world is like a parallel universe). and it was good. like liquid thin mints with a touch of crack (honestly, i'm actually sucking my upper row of teeth). why do i do this to myself? i say this as my both my legs involuntarily shake as if they alone are in constant epileptic shock. i'm a wreck (and i have the t-shirt that says so).

no more caffeine. i swear.

posted by erica @ 5:04 PM