shame is so in this season

google image search: picnic

in honor of this past cloudy cold spring weekend, punctuated by sheets of rain, i will pay homage (and thusly poke fun at) all the picnics of the world...


butch was such a promising high school student. he played junior varsity football and graduated in the top 65th percent in his class. then he had this crazy idea of patenting and selling beef jerky-flavored water. now he performs dentistry for the uninsured.


this is the worst 6 month anniversary ever. at least i have my spiked orange juice to ease the pain of my total loser boyfriend's so called special surprise. i'm cold and i'm squatting in sand eating a junior bacon cheeseburger. smile my ass. thanks to him i'm now a raging alcoholic. and possibly a lesbian. i'm so dumping him when we get home.


this is the life. i got my beer, my hoes and my camel. yeahhh, i'm the shit.


sure dad, take me to picnics and let me get painted like a little fairy and then curse at me 10 years from now when i'm a flaming queen with a heroine addiction. don't say you didn't see it coming. now where is that fucking clown who did this to me?


i swear she's just a old friend.
bullshit. i saw you checking out her saggy-ass 25 cent trailer park booty through your bifocals.
bitch, please.


put your right hand on your left knee and slouch over 3 degrees. this is looking really good. now, just imagine you're weightless, in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by tiny little seahorses. yesssss.


this safari totally blows. i'm eating lunch knee deep in water. i'm covered in mosquito bites and, oh great... there's an elephant. now i'm going to be trampled to death over a stupid peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

posted by erica @ 10:33 AM