shame is so in this season

the rules of dating

are a bunch of crap. phone usage must spike considerably on tuesdays when guys are employing the "rule of 3" - days, that is. they've waited the requisite 3 days from when they met said girl in question on the prior the saturday night. after this happened to me the other day, i decided to take matters into my own hands and research some of these rules that men seem to all know and follow oh-so-wisely. so here they are, summarized from various sources and in no particular order... (note: MY COMMENTS ARE IN BOLD)

1. When asked "What are you doing?" never reply with "Nothing", always appear to be busy even if you are not. This will make you seem to be much more interesting. - THE FIRST STEP IN BASING A RELATIONSHIP ON LIES. WAY TO GO, CHAMP.

2. Always change the amounts of attention you give her. For instance: Give her your undivided attention for an extended period of time one day, and appear to be too busy to even talk to her the next. This will drive her crazy, and you will be on her mind the entire day. She will be wondering if she said or did something wrong, and she will become much more interested in you because she won't be able to think about anything else. - YES. MORE MIND GAMES. GIRLS LOVE THEM.

3. After having a good date with a girl and you are back at her place, try to leave something behind that will remind her of you. Leaving a shirt behind is what I recommend, because it will probably smell like your cologne and the smell will make her think of you. This also gives you an excuse to see her again. When she calls to tell you that you've forgotten something, act like it is no big deal and say that you'll pick it up next time you get together. - OK, THAT'S SOMETHING WE BOTH DO

4. While you are talking to a group of girls, always remember to flirt with ALL of them, even the ones that you don't find attractive. This will put them into "competitive mode", in which all of the women will begin to try to win your affection because of your display of interest in each of them. Once this is accomplished you will be able to have your pick out of any of them, because the woman you choose will feel like she is the "winner". Every girl wishes to feel like she is the best looking in her group, and if you help her achieve this goal, you will become her player in shining armor. - I THINK I JUST THREW UP A LITTLE IN MY MOUTH

5. When you are going to ask a girl out, try this unique trick that will make it much easier for you to do, and the girl much more interested in you: Tell her you are going to ask her out before you actually do. For instance, say something like "I'm going to ask you out, but not right now... I'm not in the mood". The anticipation will drive her nuts, because she has no idea when you are going to ask her out. You will be on her mind 24/7 until you eventually do ask her out, which you should do when she least expects it. You will get a yes almost every time with this technique! - UNLESS SHE'S DEAD FROM HOLDING HER BREATH FOR TOO LONG

that's it for now. gotta think about where i'm gonna slut it up this weekend.

posted by erica @ 4:30 PM